Posted on May 22, 2018 in Divorce

Reconciling your divorce with your own emotions may mean overcoming the idea that you are a failure. Your vow upon marriage was to spend the rest of your lives together. Ending your marriage before then means you failed in that mission. Once you have convinced yourself of that idea, it is easy to extend that failure to your marriage as a whole and yourself. However, success in a marriage is defined by more than its duration, and people who chose to divorce are not themselves failures. Keep these points in mind:

1. Forever Is a Long Time: Staying married for life is a worthy goal, but how realistic is it? There are many conflicts and unforeseen circumstances that can occur during a marriage. To create a relationship that can withstand every test is remarkable. Making it 10 or 20 years is also a feat. Rather than disparage the marriages that do not last forever, we should be impressed by the ones that do.

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 Posted on May 15, 2018 in Parenting Time (Visitation)

Obtaining a fair share of parenting time is one part of being a good post-divorce parent. You also must use your parenting time to develop a positive relationship with your children. In your children’s eyes, you are not the same parent as you were before your divorce. Your children may also seem like different people if their moods and behavior have changed because of the divorce. They are likely still feeling pain and betrayal but are also looking to you for comfort and guidance. The onus is on you to create a new and healthy relationship with your children as a single parent.

Communication

Understanding your children’s feelings and needs starts with talking to them. Their time with you should include opportunities to discuss what is going on in their lives and how they are feeling. Ask them to share both the good and the bad so you are a more complete part of their lives. When they are with their other parent, encourage them to remain in contact with you, via:

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 Posted on May 03, 2018 in Divorce

An amicable divorce process has more to do with your state of mind than with the circumstances of your divorce. You can always find something to argue over if you are bitter towards your spouse. Conversely, you can settle contentious issues when you look at them from a logical standpoint instead of an emotional one. A high-conflict divorce may feel immediately satisfying because you are letting out your resentment towards your spouse. However, an amicable divorce has better outcomes and often results in less emotional damage.

Setting the Tone

Amicable divorce starts with how you handle your initial conversation with your spouse. If you are the one asking for a divorce, you have greater control over the tone of the discussion. You can start on the path towards amicable divorce by:

• Considering the time and place you are asking for a divorce;
• Not blaming anyone for the divorce;

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 Posted on April 26, 2018 in Divorce

Divorce mediation can be more productive and cost-effective than litigation for some couples. In mediation, the spouses directly negotiate the terms of their divorce settlement, with a mediator serving as a neutral guide. The process can be less expensive than litigation because the spouses minimize their time in court and share the expense of the mediator. Spouses are also more likely to be mutually satisfied with the resulting agreement. Mediation does not work for every divorce, and a failed attempt may be costly if the couple has to use divorce litigation. However, you should not reject mediation because you have misconceptions about the process. Here are four facts that dispel common myths about divorce mediation:

1. Mediation Does Not Require an Amicable Divorce: Mediation relies on the divorcing couple being able to communicate in a constructive manner in order to reach an agreement. It is the mediator’s role to facilitate the discussions and intervene when communications breakdown. The mediator can steer the conversation away from counterproductive subjects, pause negotiations when tensions escalate and bring in a therapist to help teach constructive communication skills.

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 Posted on April 19, 2018 in Child Custody / Allocation of Parental Responsibilities

Caring for children of divorce requires different parenting skills than when you were married. Your children are in a new living situation that confuses and scares them, while you are adjusting to expanded parental responsibilities. Though not a guaranteed outcome, your children are at risk of developing long-term emotional problems that may manifest as a mental disorder or unhealthy behavior. Your children are less likely to suffer these consequences if you can continue to provide stable and supportive parenting. Here are four keys to creating a healthy environment for your children after your divorce:

1. Remember That You Are a Co-Parent: Though you are divorced, you and your former spouse share the role of being parents. You should develop a business-like relationship with each other so you can communicate about your parenting concerns. You will not agree on every issue, but you should try to find some consistency in discipline and expectations for your children’s behavior. Showing that you both can still cooperate is an important lesson for your children.

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 Posted on April 13, 2018 in Judgment Modifications

Absent any language stating otherwise, the terms of a spousal maintenance agreement are modifiable when either party has a significant change of circumstances. Examples include a change in:

• Employment status;
• Income;
• Marital status;
• Tax implications of the agreement; or
• The value of properties awarded after divorce.

An Illinois court will award modifiable spousal maintenance if the spouses cannot agree to terms during the divorce negotiations. However, divorcing couples can present other forms of maintenance agreements that have different conditions for when the agreement may be modified.

Reviewable Maintenance

Also referred to as rehabilitative maintenance, reviewable spousal maintenance is used when a former spouse needs support until he or she becomes financially self-sufficient. The maintenance can continue indefinitely, but the court must review the agreement after a predetermined amount of time to evaluate the circumstances of both parties. The payments will stop if the court determines that the recipient is now self-sufficient or has not made a good faith effort to become so. The recipient may need to prove his or her attempts at self-sufficiency by explaining:

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 Posted on April 04, 2018 in Divorce

Divorce is such a consequential decision that couples often hesitate to assure themselves that they are making the right choice. There is a financial cost to a divorce, though a couple’s biggest concern is often how the divorce will affect their children. They may also feel social pressure to not give up on their marriage prematurely. However, a bad marriage is unhealthy for the spouses and their children. So, how will you know when it is the right time to divorce? That is a conclusion you must reach by weighing the positives and negatives of your marriage. Every marriage has its good and bad aspects. There are several signs that the bad in your marriage may be outweighing the good:

1. Unsafe Environment: One of the primary benefits of staying married is having a stable home for your family. However, frequently fighting with your spouse instead creates an unhealthy environment for everyone. If the fighting becomes physical and verbal abuse, you need to remove your children from that toxic environment.

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 Posted on March 26, 2018 in Divorce

One of your first considerations after filing for divorce should be how it will affect your health insurance coverage because most spouses share an insurance plan. If your insurance plan is through your employer, you have little to worry about. You may be able to switch to a cheaper plan if you do not have children to cover. If you were on your former spouse’s health insurance plan, you will lose your insurance coverage. There are several ways to continue your health insurance after divorce, though some plans are expensive.

Joining an Employee Plan

Your own employer should be the first source you consider when looking for health insurance coverage. If your employer provides health insurance, you have likely been notified each year of your option to sign up for the employee plan during the open enrollment period. Your divorce is a qualifying event that allows you to enroll for employee health insurance at any time of the year, as long as you make the request within 30 days after filing for divorce. Employee health insurance is likely the most affordable and stable option you can have.

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 Posted on March 21, 2018 in Child Custody / Allocation of Parental Responsibilities

Disputes involving the allocation of parental responsibilities become more complicated when one of the parents moves to a different state. Relocating with a child from Illinois to another state requires court permission, decided by what is in the best interest of the child. If the relocation is approved, there are new questions about:

• How parenting time will be divided between the parties;
• Which state has jurisdiction when future parenting disputes arise; and
• How parenting agreements will be enforced across state lines.

Most states in the U.S., including Illinois, have adopted the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act to set guidelines for co-parenting across state lines.

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 Posted on March 14, 2018 in Divorce

Illinois has largely removed the consideration of fault by either party from the divorce process. Because Illinois is a no-fault divorce state, a spouse may only cite irreconcilable differences when filing for divorce. Though infidelity or abuse can cause divorce, divorce courts are not concerned with them when determining whether to grant a dissolution of marriage. It is a spouse’s desire to divorce that is important, not the reason for it. However, some accusations of fault remain relevant when a court creates the terms of a divorce agreement. The court may consider illegal or immoral behavior by one spouse when deciding to compensate or protect the other spouse.

Property Division

Illinois divorce law instructs courts to equitably divide marital properties between two spouses. Equitable is different than equal because it means the courts are not required to be exactly even when dividing properties. Courts can start from equal and use their judgment to determine what would be a fair share of properties. Acts of fault that include financial impropriety are part of the court’s reasoning process. For instance, a spouse having an affair often buys gifts for his or her affair partner. A court may financially compensate the victim spouse during the division of property if the cheating spouse used marital properties to purchase the gifts.

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