Should You Try to ‘Win’ Your Divorce?

 Posted on April 24, 2026 in Divorce

It’s healthy to approach your divorce with clear goals in mind and the motivation to accomplish them. You need a divorce agreement that allows you to financially support yourself and have ample parenting time with your children. However, being overly competitive with your spouse can cause problems. Trying to "win" your divorce may create contentious negotiations that prevent you from achieving an optimal divorce agreement – as well as make the process take longer than it needs to. Instead, an amicable or collaborative divorce process, such as mediation, often results in better agreements that both sides can be satisfied with.

At Calabrese Associates, P.C., we have handled numerous divorce cases. Our Naperville, IL family law attorney can help you pursue a realistic outcome to your case that respects your long-term needs.

Does Illinois Recognize Fault-Based Divorce?

Illinois is a no-fault divorce state. That means you do not have to prove your spouse cheated, lied, abandoned you, or did something else wrong to get divorced. Instead, the legal reason for divorce is usually irreconcilable differences. In simple terms, that means the marriage has broken down beyond repair.

Some people go into divorce court hoping to prove that the other spouse caused the marriage to fail. They may want the judge to hear every painful detail and then reward them for being the "better" spouse. That is usually not how Illinois divorce works. Illinois courts generally do not spend time deciding who was morally responsible for the end of the marriage. 

That does not mean bad behavior never matters. Certain actions may still affect issues like child custody, and wasting marital assets can have consequences for property division. If your goal is to protect your future, it is often better to focus on practical outcomes instead of getting even.

Problems With Trying To "Win" Your Divorce in 2026

Divorce is not meant to have "winners" and "losers." Divorce law recognizes that both parties need to benefit from the agreement, and a divorce court will not approve an agreement that flagrantly benefits one side at the expense of the other.

There are several problems with believing that you need to win your divorce:

• You may set unrealistic goals that your spouse will not agree to and a court would reject.

• You may reject a reasonable offer from your spouse that would benefit you.

• Your focus may shift towards wanting your spouse to lose, even if you are hurting yourself in the process.

• You may waste precious assets over needless litigation.

• You are more likely to be dissatisfied with your final agreement, even if it is objectively a good agreement.

There are unavoidable "losses" for everyone who gets divorced. You will lose a portion of your marital properties and the ability to pool your income with your spouse’s income to pay for living expenses. You may also lose some of the time that you normally get to spend with your children. It is part of the cost of divorce.

How Is Contested Property Division Handled in an Illinois Divorce?

When spouses cannot agree on who keeps what, the court may have to divide marital property. Illinois follows the rule of equitable distribution, which means property is divided fairly, not always equally (750 ILCS 5/503). A fair result depends on the facts of the marriage, not on who feels more wronged.

In a contested divorce, both sides may present evidence about what property exists, whether it is marital or non-marital, and why one division would be fairer than another. This can include bank records, retirement account statements, real estate documents, business records, and testimony about contributions made during the marriage. The court may consider factors such as:

• Each spouse’s contribution to acquiring, preserving, or increasing the value of marital property, including homemaking

• The value of the property assigned to each spouse

• The length of the marriage

• Each spouse’s economic circumstances

• Any obligations from a prior marriage

• Agreements between the spouses, such as a valid prenup or postnup

• Whether one spouse will have primary responsibility for the children and needs to remain in the family home

• Each spouse’s opportunity to acquire income and assets in the future

This process is one reason trying to "win" a divorce can backfire. If one spouse becomes too focused on beating the other, settlement talks may collapse, and legal fees may rise fast. In the end, both sides may walk away with less.

What Are the Benefits of Divorce Mediation in Illinois?

As the words "settlement" and "agreement" suggest, most couples try to work together on completing their divorces. Mediation is a form of negotiation in which a third-party mediator guides the spouses through reaching a divorce agreement on their own. The mediator is there to explain the technical aspects of divorce and encourage constructive communication between the two sides. 

If done successfully, mediation can save you money on the cost of divorce because you can split the fee for hiring the mediator and avoid having to ask the court to settle disputes. However, mediation will not succeed if you are unwilling to work together and compromise.

Why Consider Collaborative Law for Your Illinois Divorce?

Collaborative law gives spouses another way to handle divorce without turning everything into open warfare. In a collaborative case, both sides work with their own attorneys and agree to resolve the case outside of court. This process prioritizes solving problems in a more respectful and efficient way.

This approach can help when both spouses want more privacy, better communication, and more control over the outcome. It may also reduce damage to co-parenting relationships. For many people, that is a much better result than trying to "win" a divorce on paper while losing peace, time, and money in real life.

Contact a DuPage County, IL Mediation Attorney

At Calabrese Associates, P.C., our Naperville, Illinois, divorce lawyer is experienced in divorce mediation and collaborative divorce. To discuss whether mediation may work for your divorce, schedule a consultation by calling 630-393-3111.